Puns

Sometimes parents pay $80,000 to put their son through college, and all they get is a quarterback.

In what direction does a sneeze usually travel?
Atchoo!

Tourist to natives: "Do you practice cannibalism?"
Answer: "No, we're already very good at it!"

Old busdrivers never die -- They just take a turn for the worst.
Old gravediggers never die -- They just spade away.
Old milkmaids never die -- They just kick the bucket.
Old contortionists never die -- They just meet their end.
Old lawyers never die -- They just lose their appeal.
Old psychiatrists never die -- They just shrink away.
Old lumberjacks never die -- They just split.
Old mediums never die -- They just give up the ghost and lose their spirits.

Fungi -- The life of the party.
Hijack -- A tool for changing airplane tires.
Crocodile -- A jar of soap.
Merigold -- To marry a rich spouse.
Pasteurize -- Being too far to see.

A missing parot is a polygon.

To expect a baby is to infanticipate.

A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, "Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."

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