Insults

What do you call frozen water?
Iced water.
What do you call frozen ink?
Iced ink.
You're telling me.

The maid just gave notice. It seems you insulted her over the phone.
Oh, I thought that was you on the line.

Joe: I wanted to call my dog "Shakespeare" but my mother wouldn't let me, she said it would be an insult to the man. Then I wanted to name him after you, but she wouldn't let me.
Bob: Good for her!
Joe: She said it would be an insult to the dog.

"My husband is crazy about me. He always says such nice things in his sleep. But it's a funny thing - he always calls me by the wrong name."

"What tense is beautiful?"
"Past."

Bob: "She treated me badly."
Joe: "She treated me worse."
Bob: "Impossible! She left me!"
Joe: "She married me."

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